Voices monologue

{There are different levels of conscious thought. An internal monologue can NEVER contain each strand that binds to the thread, and can hardly ever show all the threads of thought. I've tried to make two strands Itallics and Plain}

[he looks out on plains of chalky soil, the sky painted an odd blue, as if in a dream]

I am free. No voices plaguing me. I am jubilant.
Why am I telling myself that?
No matter. I am... Free at last. Silence? Yes! Silence for myself. Me!
No more voices [smiles... it wavers, but he forces it to remain] No one inside my head but me...

I waited for the response. The snide comment, the hollow threat... nothing. Why Did I wait for it?
Jubilant! I feel jubilant. Don't I?

[Takes some staggered steps forward]

I... The voices of my delirium are gone; silenced for my salvation. My! My head so long inhabited by them, clear now. I'm without discourse. Discourse? What? I am free. My path is free and clear. Silence is deafening, clouding my thoughts. My thoughts are clouded! It's hard to think without them. Hard to control! I need control now.
I need to know what happened to them. Yes... No! I am free now, it doesn't matter.

Empty...

Jubilant... No I'm not. I... should be? They were cut out of me. Killed off. I should feel happy, I'm free. Nothing left, empty! [knees drop to the earth, hand grabbing a fist of dirt and clenching a fist.] They were a part of me, weren't they? Emotions! I gave them names didn't I? Anger, Doubt, Mirth, Mallice... Hollow? I'm hollow... Fear? Never fear! That was left to me. Now what's left of me? Just me, free from feeling. Free from fear? I don't even feel that right now. I remember a thought like that used to make me smile to myself; humour in the darkness. Was that me?
Killed by a blade. The war is over! The war in my head. The war is over in my head. Reallity, yes. The war in my head made life make sense. No, I was confused. Reason! Reason was always right! I had voices in my head. A good voice, Reason. Always at war with Doubt. Not always...

I can picture them all, Shades of Me leaping from my body-- Doubt launching himself at the descending hordes-- I remember they lined up beside me at the bottom of the Hill-- Malice and Rage swirling swords together, they sometimes seemed to join and become one, then split apart-- It was a dreamworld, my dream!-- Self Loathing stood with me the whole time guarding my back when I got too confident-- The Shrink! I told the Shrink I wanted that battle more than anything. Alone, I wanted to be alone then-- They stood with me. All my own Voices of dissent and support and Reason-- Gone. Dead. Feel


[He rises from the dust, and staggers forward]

Cope. How will I cope? Alone. I don't want to be alone. Remake. Remake Remake. Remake. Rebuild. Rebuild...Feel! Feel!

[Smiles] I'm free to have voices in my head. Free to make them leave. They are me!

Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
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Yes
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